That's us then; enjoy the dregs of the weekend, and see youse again soon!
- 2nd Half
- Casemiro (P)68'
- 1/2 Time
- RomeroDe Gea45'
- 1st Half
Real Madrid - Manchester United
International Champions Cup - 24 July 2017
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So United take two points from the game to Madrid's one.
Casemiro takes the same penalty again ... almost! This time he hits the face of the bar, and United are champions of the International Champions Cup game against Real Madrid. They must be buzzing!
Blind does what Lindelof tried to do, going down the middle as Casilla dives out of the road. Casemiro must score....
Hahahahahahahaha! Hernandez sends De Gea the wrong way but puts the ball wide. This is now as bad as Sunderland in the League Cup.
Lindelof completes a miserable afternoon, looking to go down the middle and hitting Casilla who stays where he is.
Ooh! Quezada goes right and De Gea guesses correctly, imparting a hand .. but the power takes it in.
At last! Mkhitaryan rolls into the bottom left as the keeper dives right.
Oscar goes next ... and De Gea saves again! This is a great save it must be said, diving left and reaching up with his right hand to claw away.
Here comes Scotty (Mc)T ... and his kick is too close to Casilla, who dives right to push away. Dear, dear.
De Gea saves from Kovacic, diving low and right. Another useless effort.
Martial will start ... and he wallops high! Don't say I didn't warn you.
Here we go then. The tension is bearable.
Americans simply cannot brook a draw.
It's penalties! The thrill!
Full-time: Real Madrid 1-1 Manchester United
Lukaku flicks on for Pogba, but Quezada slides in before he cut towards goal.
So who's going to miss a penalty? I'm going Fellaini and Martial.
We've not been told how long is left, but I'd guess about three minutes.
Madrid have been much the better side the last 15 minutes, though United missed the only real chance created.
Gomez finds Hakimi, who runs at United's back-four and shoots early from outside the box only for the ball to fly over the top.
Dani Gomez goes down the right and crosses, but Lindelof clears and though Madrid eventually force a corner, it comes to nothing.
Er, to what end?
United try breaking, so Oscar trips Mkhitaryan and is booked.
Lovely ball in from McTominay, loitering down the right, and it finds Fellaini in the middle of the box, alone ... except he has to use his foot not his head, with predictable results.
If first United's mix-and-match effort did well against Madrid's first XI, their second of the same has done badly against Madrid's second XI. It's an hilarious old game, Saint.
Nice from United, creating space outside the box before McTominay finds Pogba inside it. He makes a hash of controlling, though, and has done more or less nothing in the time that he's been on.
"Let's see what impact he can make in the remaining 13 minutes and any penalty shoot-out." I can't think of any player who'd want to participate in the latter less.
As the break ends, Valencia replaces Darmian. Remember when Paul Scholes missed the start of the season after getting sent-off in a friendly?
Time for a water break.
Quezada whips a vicious free-kick in at the far post; De Gea has to retreat over his line to push it away. Excellent from both.
Franchu races at Smalling, then flings himself over the challenge. Free-kick Madrid, down the right-hand side of the box.
GOAL! Real Madrid 1-1 Manchester United (Casemiro pen) Casemiro absolutely paggas the penalty high past De Gea, just right of centre.
PENALTY DE MADRID! Oh dear, dear! Kovacic plays Theo in down the side of the box as United ball-watch, and he nudges the ball away from Lindelof, who takes a wild swing at him anyway because why not, catching the shin. Theo collapses in pain and the ref has an easy call to make.
Mkhitaryan trips Theo and narrowly avoids a booking.
Blind lifts a pass over a leg for Martial; he attacks the line and Manu is forced to concede a corner. Naturally, nothing comes of it.
The ball goes side to side then back and forth in midfield.
Finally United do something, moving the ball left to Blind, whose cross is an absolute jazzer, bent around the full-back into space attacked by Lukaku. He can't quite reach it, and neither can Fellaini at the back post.
Kovacic finds Oscar who quickly moves the ball onto Dani Gomez; United clear, Fellaini is crunched by Casemiro, and McTominay fouls him just outside the box, just left of centre. Unusually, Kovacic has a free run at things, only to smack a shot into the bottom of the wall.
So back to Martial, how does he get into the side? Well, Pogba and Herrera are definites in midfield, and if Mkhitaryan is in there, he and Rashford might play wide. Thing is, Rashford is too good not to play alongside Lukaku and that makes things much harder.
Like, seriously, there's like nothing to report.
The game hasn't got back going. It's worth noting the different approaches of the managers; Mourinho opted to pick mixed teams of first choices and reserves, while Zidane picked his best side and now has on whoever was left.
Oscar throws himself across Herrera and knees him in the ribs; Herrera departs and McTominay replaces him.
Madrid have made a load of changes, but no one's told us who for whom. Oscar and Kovacic are on - the latter wellies a shot from 40 yards which flies wide - and Modric and Kroos are off, I think.
Oh, and Mkhitaryan is on for Lingard too.
No one has bothered to run down the list of subs, but for united, Blind, Lindelof, Smalling, Herrera, Pogba and Lukaku has arrived; gone are Fosu-Mensah, Jones, Bailly, Pereira, Carrick and Rashford (I think).
Off we go again.
And so are United.
Madrid are preparing bare subs.
That's harsh - Jones had a good first half, and so did Bailly.
Oh dear. United's official account is now giving opinions. Or banter, I'm not sure which.
That wasn't a great half, but the play which led to the goal really, really was. Anthony Martial is special.
Half-time: Real Madrid 0-1 Manchester United
It'd be such a shame should things not work out for Martial. TGhere are very few players as unpredictable when running with the ball.
GOAL! Real Madrid 0-1 Manchester United (Lingard) This is a lovely goal! Martial takes possession out on the left, rolls his studs over the ball and glides away from Carvajal, past Vasquez and between Carvajal and Modric before sliding across goal for Lingard to tap home. He can be so, so good.
Minute of sustained pressure from Madrid, moving the ball across the face of the United defence before Modric isolates Fellaini just outside the box, right-hand side. He diddles him easily then cross low into the middle, but no one is there to tap home and Bailly is able to sweep clear.
Nixce approach play from Madrid, allowing Isco to play Vasquez in behind Jones ... who recovers well and averts the danger.
Rashford feeds Lingard and accelerates away, taking a man and creating space for a shot ... which comes quickly, Lingard leathering a rasper from 20 yards which flies just wide of the near post.
Bale escapes down the left and crosses for Benzema at the back post, where Jones arrives to smuggle the ball to safety.
A ball over the top into the right corner allows Vasquez in behind Jones, but his cross is tame and Carrick collects. immediately, United break, and Martial zones at Carvajal then clips a ball into the box looking for Rashford, running off Varane. But the defender does enough, and Madrid clear.
Bailly is in so quickly to take the ball off Benzema, ending a Madrid attack before it's even started.
Madrid win a free-kick left of centre, 35 yards out, and Kroos curls it in. Fosu-Mensah is up, though, and his header reaches Darmian who completes the clearance.
Lovely interplay down the left between Marcelo and Bale ends with the former crossing into the middle. Benzema can't get to the ball though, so flings himself to the floor to no avail.
Not a whole lot going on here.
The players "take on-board fluids", otherwise known as "have a drink"/.
Fellaini picks up possession just on the left of the box and with Martial and Rashford waiting in the middle, he drags a low cross behnd them. Of course he does.
Carrick intercepts a pass from Modric and immediately aims for Rashford over the top; the ball is on but he doesn't hit it right, and Nacho easily picks up the pieces.
Pereira sees space and nips around Kroos to move into it, but Carvajal covers well and quickly slides in to make the challenge.
Isco fells Fellaini, an amusing sight if nothing else.
United move the ball along the back-four and there's booing. I'm not sure why. In the meantime, Martial plays the ball in behind Carvajal for Longard, but Varane gets to it first.
United need to get Martial into the game; Martial needs Martial to be got into the game too, because a bad start to last season had him struggling for the remainder.
Marcelo lifts a ball over the top for Bale and it looks, briefly, like he's in. But United's back-four stepped up well, and eventually the linesman notices.
Marcelo gets a yard on Fosu-Mensah far too easily, and arcs in a low cross which Bailly has to slide at to intercept.
For Madrid, Ronaldo has 406 goals in 394 games. I have no idea how to comprehend the ridiculousness of that.
Lovely one-touch stuff between Bale and Benzema, poking, flicking and moving. But Fosu-Mensah sticks with it and swiftly unloads the former.
Isco thinks he's got a second on the ball, a notion of which Fellaini swiftly disabuses him.
Modric slides a pass out wide to Carvajal, but puts slightly too much on it and the ball zips into touch.
Paddy Crerand is surprised people are still coming to their seats. He should try following United away when people have thirsts on.
Amazing from Marcelo, controlling a cross inside his own box with a heel flick that takes him past Fellaini. He then retains possession with a header and clears. He is such a player.
My Dutch commentators are prattling about Renato Sanches, who I think would be a decent addition for United and a lot more fun than Matic or Dier, with far more upside.
It's been a quiet start.
Marcelo finds space down the left and jabs a cross into the middle. Benzema jumps but it's too high, and Darmian gets a flick which clears the danger.
Lingard finds space and absolutely panels a shot goalwards that flicks off Nacho ... and Navas punches behind. Smart save, and the corner comes to nothing.
Apologies - my system crashed - but I'm now back to report that you missed nothing. Nada.
Rashford breaks and motors towards the Madrid defence at inside-left. Quickly, he's crowded out.
Benzema hustles Pereira out of possession but can't make anything of it.
I should say that there'll be penalties in the event of a draw.
United get us underway.
Obligatory Ronaldo is still on holiday update.
...and they're late. Some people.
Out come the teams...
MUTV have Dwight Yorke and David May supplying their expertise. Yorke is wearing a bicep-hugging polo-shirt, naturally.
Phil Jones is talking about how the United players are very welcoming, and how hot he was making his debut in Chicago. You can't describe how hot it was, apparently. But it was very hot.
This Madrid side is very strong. I've no idea how United hope to match them in midfield.
I also wonder why Mourinho hasn't yet paired Bailly with Lindelof, seeing that they'll be his first-choice partnership, you'd think.
Starting doesn't matter much here, but nonetheless, it's nice to see Andreas Pereira getting a go. His problem is that next to him are Carrick and Fellaini, neither of who are much cop at running.
Evening all, and welcome to the "curtain-raiser" for the "curtain-raiser"; it's Manchester United v Real Madrid!